summer....*

summer....*

finally friday comes..after so many things I have to do this week, I can put myself into "relaxing" mode. oh, on last wednesday, I felt my whole world falling apart around me, everything that happened to me were tearing me into pieces. I felt so little and not worthed..but having such a nice friends like Van, Jen and Fel, they cheered me up and yeah, I felt better. That time, I also feel that I miss my Mum so much, need her...I wonder, why can't I be as happy as I used to be? somehow I think that all the smile and laugh I made were all fake..am I strong, or am I just a great pretender?? ........................................

Because Of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did, I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery. I will not break, the way you did, you fell so hard. I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far.. Because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk, Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt, Because of you I find it hard to trust, not only me,but everyone around me,... Because of you, I am afraid I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out . I cannot cry, because I know that’s weakness in your eyes. I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life. My heart can’t possibly break, when it wasn’t even whole to start with.. I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep. I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain. And now I cry in the middle of the night, doin the same damn thing.. Because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk, Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything, Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in.. Because of you I’m ashamed of my life, because its empty.. Because of you, I am afraid.. Because of you… Because of you…

Geez..can't believe it's the fourth week of school. These past three weeks I always have to wake up early on the weekends, because I have to work, and last week I went to the Asian Leadership thing at Bradford Woods. It was a fun and memorable experience though,..I met lots of new people there.

Anyway, I feel so bored now..need to excite my life a bit more colorful..hehe..coz it's been filled with school and work..and I'm so broke now, waiting for my paycheck this week..and I wanna buy a new cellphone, which one? still undecided.. I'm not really into a good mood now..hehehe.. btw, the love and logical?? pick ur own..

Chicago trip during the last week of summer break, we went with the new students. Santi and her siz, Aswin , Ryan, Dedi, Evita, and the rest are old ones, Charles, Thomas, Leo, Adi, including me..It was fun though, we went to Navy Pier, outlet, but mostly we spent our time to eat at good restaurants since Bloomington has so limited choice of "good" food. I love this pic the best coz everybody's there and smiling, yeah.. sign of happiness, lack of stress and frustration.

Now, my days seem to be continuously exhausting, I feel like I have lots of things to do from A to Z, study, work, group meetings, projects, homework, fundraising..and I need more time to sleep and hang out with friends. Feel like going home back to indo..relaxing, and spend time with my family. Can't wait to see them till Dec..sometimes feel so lonely here..

"Beautiful Disaster"By Kelly Clarkson

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme,
I know he's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right, it just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with more damage that a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waitin' for some kind of miracle
Waiting so long, So long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

Welcoming party..so tired

today, saturday, sept 3rd, Permias held its welcoming party 2005. Since my roommate is in the food department, so I have to help tina and yola preparing all the food. First, chopping the meats, and then marinate the chicken wings and the satay. It took so damn long to do that, especially to put the meat into the satay sticks. It was slippery, and so fleshy..hahaha.. but it's fun, at least we did it together. The next day, I was late for work, I suppose to came like 8.30 a.m but somehow my alarm did not ring until my cellphone ring. It was 10.10 in the morning..OMG..then I called in, and luckily Jerry picked it up, he said I can still come if I wanted to, at least I didn't get a cut. Done with work, I have to fried all those shrimp crackers and did all other necessary things for the party. Oh, anyway, it was so exhausting to bring all the food from my room in 8th floor to the first floor in the lobby, coz my room is located in the very end of the hallway. so bullshit, we need more people, and it was heavy, argh..me and yola went up and down like 3/4 times..haiyaa..so tiring...but finally we made it though..
The party went quite okay, although me missed some of the fun games.. I didn't really eat that much, still hungry until now in Thomas house.. want to eat the chicken wings again...

Anyway, bout school, it just started this week on monday..oh, at the first day I fell down in Jordan Hall, I didn't see there were some water in the floor, and I walked in a rush, so suddenly it was like ...boom..I fell down, and I hurt my left feet. I think it's still swollen until now, it hurts when I'm walking...tomorrow I have X201 group meeting at 4p.m, but I have to work in the morning still...what a busy week... tired..exhausted...need more sleep..